so, so excited and happy for alana for passing!!! now that's 2/3 of "the triple a's"... actually, it's so exciting when i see my friends & nursing colleagues pass their nclex. after we all struggled in the same boat for 4 years, seeing each other successfully get through another hurdle is so fulfilling!
i didn't get to write about my nclex process and my feelings about the nclex (which was like 1.5 months ago!! WOW!) it was such a journey, and it was actually pretty fun! it gave me a purpose, a goal, and was an educational time killer especially when i was working up at the booth. so many days i would come home smelling like coffee after studying at starbucks-- thank you sbux @ milner & 401!!!-- but it was a great few weeks because i could slowly see and feel myself developing my ability to think like a nurse.
i didn't wanna tell anyone about my test date because i didn't want the pressure, i didn't want the attention. i just wanted to do this on my own & stay focused. i obviously told my family and thomason, and eventually i ended up telling my nursing friends and abby, but that's about it! at first my studying was so wishy washy-- inconsistent at best, listening to mark K and taking notes, and studying uworld on the bus through the phone app without internet so sometimes my answers wouldn't save, and i'm pretty sure my results were fudged as a result LOL. when i was up at the tetsu's booth in the food court, it was more doable because business was hella slow so i could print out notes, bring my phone charger, and just study.
then i went to vancouver in the beginning of july-- i finished my mark K lectures on the plane and just kinda forgot about things when i was there. even though i was supposed to go to the library to study more, those plans flopped, and instead i stayed at the airbnb and watched gam grumps LOL. after that, back in toronto, i told myself to get to the grind seriously. i begged james to give me less hours during this time and studied hardcore (that means full time studying-- almost 9-5, or at least just 8 hours or at lest 2-3 tests of 75 questions) for almost every day a week, and closer towards my test date my mind just plateaued.. i couldn't learn anymore! i think that same day i was so hungry and the AC in the sbux was so high and i froze that i literally felt like i had raynaud's syndrome lOL my fingers were burningggg and white and red. so we dipped and went to eat at ikea & thomason got the fish and chips and they were shit but i digress. the week before my test, i met up with Natalie and we studied together again and talked about her trip to vancouver, and she wished me luck!!
so after my UWORLD acc expired on july 27th i just chilled and did my thing and it was great! i felt confident and ready to just do my best! i asked Roe and Andrew to keep me in their prayers, took the sunday off before the 31st to goto church and thank God for my blessings up so far and for the blessing of his grace to keep me focused and assured during the test. then the day off i kept a rosary in my bag, my cross necklace secured around my neck, and a crucifix in my back pocket. my mom also took the day off because she had a hearing to attend re: the increases in tenant rent so she wished me good luck and gave me a hug, and i was on my way!
on the bus i did a whole rosary to keep me calm and relaxed. everyone was really friendly at the test center, i was asked to take off my necklace tho but i kept my crucifix hidden in my back pocket LOL. i had a runny nose and the exam proctor let me take in a handful of tissues, he was so kind, and then i sat and did my exam. at 75 questions the thing shut off and i let out a huge breath because i had a feeling... just an inkling that i did okay. sat through the case study (didn't know you could skip it), walked out of the test center, and headed over to thomason's house. there i tried the PVT trick (as skeptical as i was) and it was 'positive', but i obviously was not assured........
then on august 2nd, i came home and found the letter. i ripped open the envelope and ripped the whole thing and i told my dad and he cried!! hahaha. then i messaged abby, thomason, roe, and andrew. i told dad not to tell mom until i could tell them myself. so once everyone was home, i told them the news!! then i was okay with telling everyone else. then the next day we went camping aaaaand YEAH LOL that was it! i wrote my jurisprudence that thursday and applied for my police check. then a month later i was finally registered with the college! which was awesome.. i was finally, officially, Angelica Abad RN BScN.
---
that was it! Now i'm working hard to get myself a nice position. fixing my resume, cover letters, and CV and meeting up with a career specialist as recommended my mark's sister. hopefully i can start pumping out my top grade resumes, get through some interviews, i hope i get a job!!
ange meets world // ange vs the world // ange eat world
August draws to a close.
Friends are going back to school.
And I, I took the road less travelled by...
such a bizarre feeling knowing i'm not going back to school. it's definitely not the last time i'll be enrolled, because i know i'm go back to school for something (like a certificate course, for example) but this is it... 4 years and... it's time to pay back osap!!!!!! and questions of everyone asking if i've started looking for a job, the job hunt, etc. im on the right track, but i feel like i'm slowly becoming a to-do list person: in recent days, ive been making lists for all the things i need to get done, especially with registration, and it's somehow caught on and even therapeutic for me.
to be quite honest, i've been feeling a little... stagnant, slow moving, and stuck in life? i can't quite place it right. i haven't even started my job search, and i have yet to do my G2. im working a boring ass job at tetsus, barely making back the money i've been spending (particularly on travelling, i've done my fair share of travelling this year) but... i dont know... i'm feeling unfulfilled? maybe in my relationships with other people? with my faith? my community? My part-time job? in enjoying the things i used to like doing, like writing, reading, and drawing?
i feel like i'm not quite there in the the things that i do, in each day that i live. my minds in a completely different place. like at graddies i was trying to catch up with allyson but my heart just wasn't in it (it could also just be because a loud house party was not the right place to talk about her pursuing her masters and our future plans). although, my heart wasn't really in it for the party too-- maybe i'm too old and have grown accustomed to enjoying time with smaller groups of people instead-- and neither is my excitement for pushing myself forward in my career. the drive has halted, the fire frozen. i'm not unmotivated, but just a little... hesitant? apprehensive? all i wanna do is sleep because i feel so tired all the time. am i depressed? lol no i don't think so.
i'm lacking that inspiration, and usually i draw my inspiration away from God. perhaps that's where this is all stemming. losing my Sundays with my mom and sister, going to church and then us hanging out afterwards which was my normal routine, or just losing my weekends in general and not being home to see them; could it be that? losing my normalcy and routine in the things that i love in lieu of earning money to pay off my debts-- is this what my future is going to be like? Or am i truly going to love my job, like i pray i will? or is it going to be anxiety inducing dread for every shift? will i bum out or will i hustle hard and lose the most precious days of my life? losing my friends and my life in the mess of 12 hrs shifts and in the pursue of advancing my career?
see, there's so many things i want the answers to. i need an outlet, like this blog, to be able to speak (or in this case, write) my thoughts out loud so i can better understand my thinking process and pick out what it is that i really, truly, want for and from myself. but sometimes i just get so lazy and i get stuck, and i dont know where to begin or what to write. but once i do, it just keeps coming (hence why every blog post is 100% my thoughts being translated directly into text) lmao. inconsistent, but genuineness as it's finest. and once in a while, nights like these are much needed-- dates with thomason, jathu, and christian. truly some of my favourite people to just kick it with, people who make me feel at ease after a stressful day of thinking too much about my future.
i feel like i'm not quite there in the the things that i do, in each day that i live. my minds in a completely different place. like at graddies i was trying to catch up with allyson but my heart just wasn't in it (it could also just be because a loud house party was not the right place to talk about her pursuing her masters and our future plans). although, my heart wasn't really in it for the party too-- maybe i'm too old and have grown accustomed to enjoying time with smaller groups of people instead-- and neither is my excitement for pushing myself forward in my career. the drive has halted, the fire frozen. i'm not unmotivated, but just a little... hesitant? apprehensive? all i wanna do is sleep because i feel so tired all the time. am i depressed? lol no i don't think so.
i'm lacking that inspiration, and usually i draw my inspiration away from God. perhaps that's where this is all stemming. losing my Sundays with my mom and sister, going to church and then us hanging out afterwards which was my normal routine, or just losing my weekends in general and not being home to see them; could it be that? losing my normalcy and routine in the things that i love in lieu of earning money to pay off my debts-- is this what my future is going to be like? Or am i truly going to love my job, like i pray i will? or is it going to be anxiety inducing dread for every shift? will i bum out or will i hustle hard and lose the most precious days of my life? losing my friends and my life in the mess of 12 hrs shifts and in the pursue of advancing my career?
see, there's so many things i want the answers to. i need an outlet, like this blog, to be able to speak (or in this case, write) my thoughts out loud so i can better understand my thinking process and pick out what it is that i really, truly, want for and from myself. but sometimes i just get so lazy and i get stuck, and i dont know where to begin or what to write. but once i do, it just keeps coming (hence why every blog post is 100% my thoughts being translated directly into text) lmao. inconsistent, but genuineness as it's finest. and once in a while, nights like these are much needed-- dates with thomason, jathu, and christian. truly some of my favourite people to just kick it with, people who make me feel at ease after a stressful day of thinking too much about my future.
wrote the nclex today
never even got to write about my graduation day! to sum up that day, i felt a lot of pressure being the first one of our program to cross that stage, but i was really stoked that we made it that far. i even wore my purple curtain tassles, like i said i would.
after that, i pretty much lost myself to studying for the NCLEX; although admittedly i wasn't that focused in the beginning. it was on and off/very casual studying at first, but eventually after vancouver i actually sat down and got back on the grind, doing 9-5 study sessions and working on the weekends, listening to lectures on my way to work and even on the treadmill at the gym.
i dont even know what to say about it, because i really don't know how well i did; i feel craptastic! it's extremely hard to judge my results from doing the test LOL. i feel like i failed. but we'll see once that letter comes in the mail!!! and that is about all that i wanna say about this.
after that, i pretty much lost myself to studying for the NCLEX; although admittedly i wasn't that focused in the beginning. it was on and off/very casual studying at first, but eventually after vancouver i actually sat down and got back on the grind, doing 9-5 study sessions and working on the weekends, listening to lectures on my way to work and even on the treadmill at the gym.
i dont even know what to say about it, because i really don't know how well i did; i feel craptastic! it's extremely hard to judge my results from doing the test LOL. i feel like i failed. but we'll see once that letter comes in the mail!!! and that is about all that i wanna say about this.
Post-CLS Weekend ((THIS POST IS A MESS AND 100% ALL FEELS))
It's become a regular habit for me to search for and understand the why behind the things that happens in my life, big or small. Not in an overthinking manner per se, but more so trying to make sense of what I can learn from that experience, particularly from unsuccessful attempts (which is a euphemism for failure).
Examples:
- On Victoria Day weekend, I was 5 seconds from missing the bus but thankfully I was able to /safely/ jaywalk across the street and catch the bus. Had I missed it, I would have been late for work. Why was I able to catch that bus? So I could get to work 10 minutes early, which would give me enough time to grab donuts for everyone working since we all knew it would be super busy and stressful-- sharing in the good karma is real, folks.
- Why am I doomed to work 11-8 shifts up in the booth like 90% of all my shifts?? So that I can get some studying done for the NCLEX, while making money to pay for said NCLEX and to invest in my future. It may be a boring and something redundant job that fails to challenge me or utilize my talents, but at least I'm making $15 for just doin' my own thing while selling cakes on the side :)
- Why did I happen to bump into Alexis at Starbucks, and why did Bella message me asking if I was going to go, both which pretty much sealed my fate for going to CLS that weekend? TBH, I don't have the answer to that yet, but......................
post-vacation feels aka back 2 life
Dear diary.....
when i think back to our time on vacation, i wonder if i wasn't 'in the moment' enough. i tried to not touch my phone at all, or at least use the internet to go on social media, cuz i aint just paid 1k just to do things on the internet i could do at home, but still the 7 days went by soo quick, and the days oddly felt so... short? maybe it was because i was having a lot of fun that time slipped by without anyone noticing. i tried my best to preserve each day to my memory, so i can think back and remember what it was like to be sitting on the beach chairs, or eating dinner with my friends, or swimming in the ocean. despite initially being reluctant about this trip because of the $$ that came out of my savings fund, i thoroughly enjoyed it (minus being constipated) and did my best to make the most out of it, despite my fear of drowning and other things. to be honest i'm pretty psyched that i went and did the things i did-- swimming in the middle of the ocean, & even though it was shallow area, I STILL CRIED CUZ THE BOAT WAS DRIFTING DEEPER INTO THE WATER (bless that one guy's soul for noticing i was so scared and coming to be my 'water taxi' until it was shallow again), jumping off cliffs, snorkeling (even though i wish i could have gone into the deeper waters).. basically everything that had to do with water LOL. but even teaching myself to kind of float was pretty awesome too 😁
1 of my favourite parts was our photoshoot during the sunset-- i don't think anyone really understood or felt what i was seeing through my eyes at that point in time. that cast of blue, pink, and purple hues on everyone made it look eerily HIGH DEF, EVEN THOUGH SEEING LIFE THROUGH MY OWN DAMN EYES IS ALREADY HD... there was this surrealness to it that made me think, 'wow... God is so good'. each of the 8 people in front of me living completely unique lives and overlapping with mine through a friendship? simple and plain fun in taking photos on the beach? in fact, even seeing the vastness of that ocean was so overwhelming. it took me back to my cuba trip when i watched the ocean in the same manner, being pretty damn amazed that i was literally standing in a body of water so large, which means the earth is even larger, considering i took a mere 4 hr flight to be standing in a completely different country with an entirely different climate and culture and etc. etc... damn i still be thinking so pretentiously even on vacay? LOLjk no that was my revelation of my blessings being larger than life. God truly is so great.
i came home feeling nice and refreshed and excited for more travelling escapades in the future. i also came home sunburnt af and crispy with a scary amount of bug bites on my legs and a renewed sense of excitement for the future and rejuvenated love for my boyfriend, who i'm honestly really glad didn't come because i'm sure i had the most fun this way. I also came home to bare amount of shifts at tetsus. but this money is definitely going to be worth it-- it's a hard grind for a good future. my trust and faith in God still stands, although admittedly i haven't been getting acquainted with him as often as i used to or would like to, because of work. let's see what that CLS weekend will do to me lOL. but yeah... looking forward to my vancouver trip just as much, or maybe even more!! but gotta keep studying for the NCLEX lol!!!
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