discernment

yesterday left me feeling pretty overwhelmed for a few reasons. it only took a brief moment to recognize the big changes coming in my life for it to happen. nerve-wracking, yes, but at the same time extremely exciting!! i believe 2018 will be a pretty big year for me, and i'm pretty stoked to experience all the ups and downs through it all.

i had my placement orientation yesterday with 5 other year 4 nursing students and i'm pretty proud of myself for being the "ice breaker". i mean, i could have said nothing the whole time, but I realized these colleagues would be valuable assets now and even in the future, so I engaged them all into talking about school n stuff and even suggested making a group chat for us to brainstorm LP ideas since we would all be in the same placement (also lowkey, but i also want to be friends with these 2 guys bc one day i want to be invited to their nursing squad parties LOOOL they they seem lit!!!) 
but the orientation for this particular LTC home was interesting, because everyone was so friendly and they were passionate about their jobs! all the workers were smiling and very receptive to having students to teach, which was great. during the orientation i remember thinking why everyone dreaded LTC because this one seemed to be full of life!! 

I'm excited to start, as I have absolutely no expectations at all, and i promise to put in as much as i can and take every opportunity-- this is pretty much my last "safety" net i'll have before becoming a registered nurse. so fingers crossed i can keep up the momentum for my final 12 weeks. the one (kinda) downside to this is working evening shifts, meaning 3-11's.. and considering how often i'll be there, i probably may only see my family once or twice a week for the next 12 weeks which made me pretty sad. i felt like i took my family life for granted, as once i start working as a nurse i know my schedules will be pretty busy and long, many hours spent sleeping, which means i may not spend as much time with them as i would like to, now that i am older. the irony of life LOL but thats the way life goes. 

I texted my previous preceptor about it and he was super supportive (as usual). he told me how he may have another student,  and he's nervous about it, and it made me sad knowing that life goes on for everyone! the world doesn't revolve around me. i realized this after my trip to Cuba in first year, how life continues for everyone, whether you are there or not.. we are merely passing through this world, as my preceptor would say LOL. but yeah, i was a chapter in his mentoring career, and he was a chapter in my nursing career, and it's been such a blessing to have him there even beyond our time together. God has a funny (yet incredible) way of answering your prayers. if he does take on a student, i wish her all the best as she is so incredibly lucky to have an awesome preceptor for her consolidation. however, obviously once he gets a student i will not be his texting buddy LOL but i want to be able to go to Marmura after I graduate with him, maybe around the time i write my NCLEX, just for that extra boost. 

finally, the last thing that has been driving me nuts is the decision to quit my job. i've been praying and praying whether or not it is the best decision to leave. i don't like working there anymore, i don't get any hours, and I want to be able to have more time to study.. however, i need the money, primarily for bus fare and food. i need the money so that i don't have to rely on my family to supplement my income with an allowance, especially since my mom will be off work for a bit as her workplace undergoes construction. i think i can do it if I give myself $1000 to use for the next 4 months?? and then after school, as i find a nursing job, i'll take on a part-time somewhere also to supplement my nclex and jurisprudence fees n such, my G2 test, and my nclex study tools LOL, and study to write the NCLEX... find a job through the new grad guarantee... thinking about all these expenses make my head twirl. although i have an amount saved, i have promised myself not to touch it as it will be just enough to pay back my schooling fees. that means i have to be SUPER strict and frugal in the next 12 weeks or so.

SO YEAH that's how i've been feelin and what i've been thinkin, hbu

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