"overwhelming passion"

"My philosophy of nursing is based on my belief that every client deserves treatment and care that upholds and respects the dignity and sanctity of human life. Regardless the circumstances, compassionate and holistic care should be the result of every nurse-client encounter. I believe that all individuals should be able to have unhindered access to comprehensive and individualized holistic care that is free from judgement and discrimination."

This is the main statement from my personal nursing philosophy that I wrote for the portfolio assignment. And this is what I hope my nursing practice will manifest itself as.

Everyone has their own view of what nursing is. To some, nursing is a job. Just a means to pay the bills. To others, nursing is their life. Dedication to life long learning, quality improvements, and development of the profession. When I envision the future, I see myself enjoying my job immensely. I want to be able to go home and know that I have done the best that I could for my patient and their families. Even the cheesy quote I decided to put on my portfolio cover (note: you honestly can never go wrong from utilizing quotes) is from Mother Theresa:

"It is not how much you do, but how much love you put in the doing.”

– Mother Theresa

As I presented my portfolio to my FA, I did not intend or even expect to evoke that reaction that she had. It was a completely informal meeting where she didn't even bother to look at all the hard work I put in my portfolio. But as I talked about my experiences in the semester and how that experience had really changed my beliefs about nursing, she was overwhelmed and cried.

There are only 2 times in life when I can't stop talking:

1. When I'm a little buzzed, and
2. When I do "professional" interviews/meetings, be it a job interview, a volunteer interview, or interviews to discuss my progress in school (i.e. T.A INTERVIEWS LOLZ)

Here I was, running my mouth about what nursing means to me. And there was my teacher, sitting across from me, tearfully listening to me ramble on and on about my philosophy. "I never would have expected this passion from you Angelica," she said. "I can sense this aura about you and I just know you will be an amazing nurse." 

Passion for nursing? As I've mentioned before, it really took me 4 years to finally be proud of what I was studying. For so long I've shied away from the idea of being proud of it because 90% of the time, the reply I would get was "Nursing? Oh yeah, because you're Filipino!" or sumn along those lines. On top of that, I honestly cannot recall why I chose nursing. An excerpt from my ASM201 blog about Career Mashing:

I always have trouble answering when people ask, "what do you want to be in the future?". Usually I stick to one of the typical 'Asian' answers, nurse, which is really only half-true. I am thinking of maybe taking a job in the medical field, but I'm terrified that I won't like it at all or be good at it and instead waste precious money learning how to become a nurse. 

Can you believe this was from Grade 10... I sound the same. But there has to be a reason why I used up my 3 applications to apply ONLY to nursing programs, and nothing else. Nursing must be made for me, right?!

What my FA said is not new to me. I've had that said to me a few times: my 3rd year FA and preceptor said the same thing to me, a couple of my patients have mentioned it to me, friends have said it to me. But the question is, is it genuine passion? Or is it just my amazing ability to channel my nervousness into a vomit mess of professional-esque phrases, hitting on key points and words that I know will appeal to the affective side of my interviewer?

My motto for going into any interview is "speak from the heart"-- yes, prepare yourself for questions, but speaking from the heart reflects that genuine enthusiasm and passion and excitement for whatever it is you're being interviewed for. It also allows you to market yourself as someone authentic, and you cannot fake that. So I believe it's genuine passion. I know how difficult nursing is, but I stuck to it. My desire to serve others begins way before I even knew what the hell a nurse does, besides caring for the sick. When I have doubts about my decision, God reassures me through a meaningful event that makes me feel sure again. All that garbled speech that came out of my mouth during my portfolio presentation was me truly speaking from my heart. I can actually feel my heart aflame as I talk about what nursing means to me; it only took me so many years to be able to understand it and refine that idea into something cohesive.

Here's to hoping that that passion within me continues to burn until the very end of my journey.