i've never thought about using the word 'wholesome' to describe a person until only a few days ago, when james used 'wholesome' to describe one of our co-workers. i didn't think much of it at the time until today, days after that conversation, to realize what that word encapsulates in a person. wholesome is a great adjective to describe some of my friends (which i realize now that I've been using the word 'golden' to describe them the same way wholesome does). i love listening to other people and understanding the way they think and perceive things because I learn from it-- it challenges me to think a different way or to understand something i might not have made the effort to do before. and it's great because they're so full of ideas and every conversation has me learning something new about myself or about another person and going like, "damn I never thought of it that way!" (ex. how some people [who will not be mentioned] brush their teeth after they wake up rather than brushing it after they eat breakfast)
i've always liked james as a person and as a friend, not because i was his first love, but because he's actually a really decent guy! he's very understanding and down-to-earth but a lot of fun to be with. now that he's my boss and that i'm forced to see and talk to him more often and not by choice, the good things about him are more pronounced-- you can learn a lot about a person by their leadership style, and james is that boss who gets shit done, without having to shit on you. he actually makes an effort to put himself in your shoes and, unless you give him a really good reason to, will always make an effort to forgive. he's devoted to his friends and treats his good friends like family-- their friend group is so funny LOL i love hanging out with them. but all in all, at the end of the day, james is a good friend.
then i have friends like jathu and christian. hanging out with them is so fun because, as i was telling thomason, we all bring something different to the table. all our majors are completely different (history, nursing, math, and architecture) so we always have something different to talk about. not gonna lie, just listening to jathu talk about proofs and prime numbers was genuinely so interesting. and it's nice that even tho we all don't work at mcds anymore, we still make the effort to hang out! as individuals, jathu is a great storyteller and so full of life despite her short stature, good natured and with a big heart; she's 100% wholesome content. & there's christian who is genuinely a good guy who's so humble; he was also great as a TL when we worked at mcds. plus the way he makes an effort to hang out with his little brother is so sweet; 100% wholesome guy!
i dunno, maybe i am just drawn to the good side of people (isn't that why douche was part of my My5?) and it's not like i see them as ~*perfect*~ or ~*flawless*~, because 100% i know they're not.. but when all is said and done, these are the kinds of people i want to surround myself with.. it's like that saying how you can tell a lot about a person by the people they surround themselves with. maybe that's why i get shocked when people at this age still get caught up in petty high school-like drama, and why you won't see anyone like that in my social circle lmao. i've been thinking a lot about the social aspect of my life, but i'm pretty content with the people who i've been blessed to have met and kept close, despite the busy schedules.
a bigger world, a smaller circle
That late-night conversation yesterday with Abby and Thomason further reinforced something I realized at some point within the last 5 years: as my world grew bigger, my social circle grew smaller. And for a person like me, a cute gal who is rather reserved, that realization made me come to terms with a lot of things about myself. I mean, obviously, who doesn't want to have a lot of friends?? Who doesn't want to feel pretty important?? I used to wish to be like my sister who had so many friends and sat with the "cool kids" at school. I wanted people to notice me and realize how cool I can be as a person (albeit a bit dorky). I wanted to be invited to the parties and I wanted people to hit me up and have conversations with me, I wanted people to know what was up with me, I wanted them to miss me, et cetera, et cetera, blah blah blah..
But understanding that by nature, I am not really a "people" person and lean more towards the introverted side, this wish wouldn't really benefit me at all. Getting to know a person, solid friendships, meaningful platonic relationships-- these were all really important things to me that I found great value in that I wouldn't be able to get if I had 239131 friends. Coming into university and literally having my world widen by a million horizons made me feel so small and meaningless, another cute Asian face in the crowd-- but that didn't bother me. Instead, I came to value my few close friendships more. Friends who I only see once a year in the summer; friends who understand that our relationship should not diminish because we do not talk or see each other as often as we'd like, but instead solidifies after all that time apart; friends who I truly connect with, heart-to-heart, and who I am truly able to be myself with and spill my heart and soul out to, where comfort comes so quickly and naturally in a safe space-- these are the friendships that I have come to cherish so much and have really helped me grow in the direction that I am happy to be going towards. There is only so much time I can invest in a friendship before I realize that we as people do not have that "click", that superficial and shallow small-talk conversations can only get us so far-- that time I can instead put towards other things to further improve myself, like AP points. HOWEVER, not to say that these people are not worth my time, but some people are just meant to be left as acquaintances y'know?
Admittedly, though, sometimes these thoughts and wishes still come back from time to time... after all, I am really cool...... and it sucks that people are missing out on this..... There are people who I would love to know more, because as acquaintances I had this feeling of "clicking" (I should totally make a word to describe this feeling. More on this another time) and I can see that there is a lot to learn from their stories and examples. But again, there are so many different types of relationships a person can make with other people of varying degrees and I myself have come to realize, embrace, and love the few people who can meet me half way and share a part of each of our lives with. I'm not one to openly talk about my feelings, my thoughts, or my opinions with other people unless I feel ready to ((HELL, I didn't even want to talk about my first kiss with Josh in grade 11 LMAO but Lord knows how much I cried to Abby about him when he broke my lil sweet maiden heart LMFAOOO)). But once you understand this, you just really stop giving a shit about what other people think of you & you stop vying for other people's attention. You no longer need other people to validate your coolness. In a world of 7 billion people, I don't need you to like me as a person, because with or without your opinion (which is obviously wrong), I'll still be the same person that I am who is awesome and kicking ass in the big ol' scary world.
So fuck u Josh A***a cus I am ur TOTGA
But understanding that by nature, I am not really a "people" person and lean more towards the introverted side, this wish wouldn't really benefit me at all. Getting to know a person, solid friendships, meaningful platonic relationships-- these were all really important things to me that I found great value in that I wouldn't be able to get if I had 239131 friends. Coming into university and literally having my world widen by a million horizons made me feel so small and meaningless, another cute Asian face in the crowd-- but that didn't bother me. Instead, I came to value my few close friendships more. Friends who I only see once a year in the summer; friends who understand that our relationship should not diminish because we do not talk or see each other as often as we'd like, but instead solidifies after all that time apart; friends who I truly connect with, heart-to-heart, and who I am truly able to be myself with and spill my heart and soul out to, where comfort comes so quickly and naturally in a safe space-- these are the friendships that I have come to cherish so much and have really helped me grow in the direction that I am happy to be going towards. There is only so much time I can invest in a friendship before I realize that we as people do not have that "click", that superficial and shallow small-talk conversations can only get us so far-- that time I can instead put towards other things to further improve myself, like AP points. HOWEVER, not to say that these people are not worth my time, but some people are just meant to be left as acquaintances y'know?
Admittedly, though, sometimes these thoughts and wishes still come back from time to time... after all, I am really cool...... and it sucks that people are missing out on this..... There are people who I would love to know more, because as acquaintances I had this feeling of "clicking" (I should totally make a word to describe this feeling. More on this another time) and I can see that there is a lot to learn from their stories and examples. But again, there are so many different types of relationships a person can make with other people of varying degrees and I myself have come to realize, embrace, and love the few people who can meet me half way and share a part of each of our lives with. I'm not one to openly talk about my feelings, my thoughts, or my opinions with other people unless I feel ready to ((HELL, I didn't even want to talk about my first kiss with Josh in grade 11 LMAO but Lord knows how much I cried to Abby about him when he broke my lil sweet maiden heart LMFAOOO)). But once you understand this, you just really stop giving a shit about what other people think of you & you stop vying for other people's attention. You no longer need other people to validate your coolness. In a world of 7 billion people, I don't need you to like me as a person, because with or without your opinion (which is obviously wrong), I'll still be the same person that I am who is awesome and kicking ass in the big ol' scary world.
So fuck u Josh A***a cus I am ur TOTGA
Spongebob Sweet Victory Original Video
oh man.... it's overwhelming to think that i'm pretty much done nursing school *sad face*. my last day of placement was bittersweet-- needless to say, some tears were shed ((i will not reveal who it was that cried, because it was definitely not me))-- but it was certainly a great way to end this chapter of my life. one of my greatest fears for 4th yr was that i'd end up with a shitty preceptor, but that was not the case at all. I had two amazing preceptors who were so supportive of me, believing in my ability to become a nurse and always making each clinical shift such a fun time. not only that, but my classroom teachers and faculty advisors have honestly made my time in this program a good one. having them believe in you and telling you that they can see nursing is my passion is so reassuring; their words and their faith in me push me to go even further. even all my friends and family who have supported me from the start, and thomason who has given me that support through the roughest and toughest of times, helped me come this far. had i gone into this program with no solid foundation of people cheering me on, i would have burnt out and crashed a long time ago.
i remember in the beginning, i doubted myself A LOT. here i was, a shy and introverted girl with absolutely no connections to anyone in the nursing field and only had myself to rely on-- i had no idea that nursing went beyond the bedside, i had no idea it was a lot of work, i had no idea about any of the programs-- i blindly went in with nothing but me and my belief that nursing was my calling. such a feeble belief to base my future off of! but along the way, that belief led me to other things. it led me to discover, grow, and answer the calling of my faith, it led me to great friends and people that i've met in the program, it led me to thomason, it led me to my mentors, & it led me to trying to live my best life #bestlifeever each day. meeting patients and meeting other nurses and listening to their stories made me realize a lot about the important things in life.. things like CHILL OUT... don't be so serious all the time... have fun! that was one of the things i forgot over these 4 years, how to have fun, to loosen up and enjoy all the little things in life. and now, at the end of these 4 years, i can say that i've made a lot more connections that i would have ever imagined i would make. i've been able to reconnect with old friends, find common ground with new friends, meet and hear the stories of so many people who have helped me grow and challenge my own perspectives in life, and overall just grow as a person. and i'm just so excited to keep on movin forward.
here's to becoming a Registered Nurse!!!!
Europe - THE FINAL COUNTDOWN (with lyrics)
I always look so bobo in professional photos but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ only 8 more clinical shifts, 2 more assignments, and 1 final exam left before graduation!!!! #roadtograd
wow, that #roadtograd hashtag brings me back to grade 12 when we were all struggling to meet deadlines and avoiding conditional zeroes and half-assing our assignments just to save our own asses from not getting accepted by our universities/colleges. and now we're here, at the end of our undergrad...... "TIME FLIES" is literally something I always say when i realize that another year of school has come and gone cus seriously it's bonkers to think that you blink once and you're already graduating lol.
not quite sure i know how to feel about the fact that i'm finally finished my time in the formal education system (unless I go back for a masters, but WHO KNOWS) and that the next step i take is as an adult into the professional world. it's like the final test is you being pushed into the water to see if you'll sink or swim. do i feel prepared? hell no.. but doesn't mean i'm not prepared to try my best to get my feet on the ground.
and to think I was about to quit in 2nd year... haha
WEEK 6 WINTER SEM
4th year so far has been tough. it's been draining-- physically, emotionally, and spiritually. it's been so easy to just give up this semester and even having to always tell myself to keep pushing on has its limits. this whole consolidation thing is new, and it's heavy, and it's a lot to handle. So much so that i often feel this anxiety and dread before each shift, i find it hard to get out of bed, and that I feel like I don't have enough time to do everything i need to do. sometimes i find it much easier to avoid socialization and make a beeline through whatever it is i have for the day (Like class or errands), do whatever it is i gotta do then go straight to study bc it makes me feel like I have control over the way i manage my time and leave out the variability and the hassle & maximize productiveness. pretty sure people might think i'm cold or mean (tommy did at least haha), but thats my dutty lil secret: hermit isolation is my (horrible) way of trying to compensate and cope with my impending 4th years itis/burnout :-(
tommy brought up once how he feels like i have become "more mature" within the 2 years that we have been dating, and it made me think: had i studied something else, I probably wouldn't have put this many expectations on myself to become responsible, accountable, and professional in all aspects of my life. my choice to pursue nursing has really guided and shaped the kind of person i am, and i really don't know if it's a good or bad thing (Not to say i act like i have a stick up my ass all the time or anything, its just sometimes i'm so stressed about school that i cant tolerate thomason's childishness. but of course it's all love.) maybe it's just growing up: realizing what's important truly important, what parts of my life I can care a little less about, and thinking i was right about something but was actually totally wrong. you honestly never stop learning things about yourself, bc you're always changing and adapting to the circumstances as you age.
having poopy days always make you appreciate the little joys in life so much more.. and when i come home at the end of the day after a shift, I feel a little better. might have had a busy shift, i might have had some tough encounters that made me doubt myself, but there are some little moments that really make my heart full and refocused back on the end goal of God's calling. For example, singing and dancing with my residents even tho they all got some kind of dementia, seeing the funny ways the resident's interact and their mannerisms, or even looking behind me for a split second to see that one resident with Pick's disease walking alongside nanay, side by side, with his hand on her back like they were friends (omg just thinking about that 0.5 seconds glimpse i so happened to catch makes me teary eyed again) reminds me why i'm enjoying 4th year so much, even after all the emoness and complaining stuff. I truly am so grateful for this opportunity to become a nurse.
I was having a downer couple of days, but God never fails to keep sending me these reminders to keep my chin up when things get tough. even my FA told me I just need to have confidence in myself, and the rest will follow. I'm not one to rely on others for reassurance about myself, but hearing that from her alone once again helps burn the first that fuels my passion in nursing. Just like in Joshua 1:9: "Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go".
6 more weeks!!!!!!
#letsgeddit #shooturSHOT2k18 #classof2018
tommy brought up once how he feels like i have become "more mature" within the 2 years that we have been dating, and it made me think: had i studied something else, I probably wouldn't have put this many expectations on myself to become responsible, accountable, and professional in all aspects of my life. my choice to pursue nursing has really guided and shaped the kind of person i am, and i really don't know if it's a good or bad thing (Not to say i act like i have a stick up my ass all the time or anything, its just sometimes i'm so stressed about school that i cant tolerate thomason's childishness. but of course it's all love.) maybe it's just growing up: realizing what's important truly important, what parts of my life I can care a little less about, and thinking i was right about something but was actually totally wrong. you honestly never stop learning things about yourself, bc you're always changing and adapting to the circumstances as you age.
having poopy days always make you appreciate the little joys in life so much more.. and when i come home at the end of the day after a shift, I feel a little better. might have had a busy shift, i might have had some tough encounters that made me doubt myself, but there are some little moments that really make my heart full and refocused back on the end goal of God's calling. For example, singing and dancing with my residents even tho they all got some kind of dementia, seeing the funny ways the resident's interact and their mannerisms, or even looking behind me for a split second to see that one resident with Pick's disease walking alongside nanay, side by side, with his hand on her back like they were friends (omg just thinking about that 0.5 seconds glimpse i so happened to catch makes me teary eyed again) reminds me why i'm enjoying 4th year so much, even after all the emoness and complaining stuff. I truly am so grateful for this opportunity to become a nurse.
I was having a downer couple of days, but God never fails to keep sending me these reminders to keep my chin up when things get tough. even my FA told me I just need to have confidence in myself, and the rest will follow. I'm not one to rely on others for reassurance about myself, but hearing that from her alone once again helps burn the first that fuels my passion in nursing. Just like in Joshua 1:9: "Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go".
6 more weeks!!!!!!
#letsgeddit #shooturSHOT2k18 #classof2018
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